What is therapy like? What does a typical session with you look like?

A typical session with me probably looks like starting out with just a simple question of "What should we focus on?". I'm the expert in therapy, you are the expert in you. And I trust a client's ability to know what's important to them what they want to focus on. So whatever it is that they want to focus on that's what we focus on. And then throughout this session I'm usually trying to do just three things. On the surface they sound pretty simple but by god they can be kind of difficult sometimes. And they are--I want to be starting with being empathetic, I want to hear--I want to listen as closely as I can to whoever it is that I'm listening to. I want to hear as deeply, as as close to the edges of whatever it is that they're sharing with me as I can. Even to the point where they may not be totally aware of a part of what they said or what it implies. And I want to communicate that I heard them and that I accept them and this is what I'm hearing, this is what I'm thinking, does this sound right, is this right for what's going on for you. And if I can do that that's like one-third of the therapeutic endeavor. The other part is accepting and prizing the person. That is whatever it is that they choose to share I'm still going to value them no matter what. I'm still going to think that they're a good person. I'm still going to enjoy the time that we have together. I may disagree with them, I may say "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea", but I'm still going to value them. They're not going to be judged when they're sitting down and talking with me. And most importantly of all perhaps is I'm going to do both of these things in a way that's genuine. In a way that's congruent with who I am in a way that's hopefully even transparent. Because heck if I'm not being real then what's the point? Then the relationship isn't real and how can the healing and the therapy be real. I've got to be genuine just as much as I've got to prize the client, as I've got to listen as deeply and empathetically as I can. So that's kind of the meat of the session and then at the end of sessions--again because the client is the expert in them, I like to ask them, "So what was helpful today? What was useful? What did you get out of this encounter?". And sometimes, indeed maybe most of the time it's just "I got to vent" or "you listened", but as therapy goes on there's a switch that starts to happen. The client shifts from, "you listened and that meant a lot" to "I heard myself, I understood myself, I allowed myself to feel these things, to think of these things, to explore these possibilities of being. And that is what I found so helpful today." I love that shift and it's exciting to see people make it. And in order to help facilitate that shift I like to ask for feedback on those three things that I talked about earlier. I ask folks on a scale of zero to ten, where ten is darn good but not perfect, "How listened to do you feel, how appreciated, how accepted do you feel. How genuine have I been?". And my ego loves to hear tens of course but what I'm really listening for are the nines the nine and a half's, the eights, god forbid a seven. The hint that there has been something that's gone awry. Because if I can get that feedback sooner rather than later, then I can move to address it, to adjust, to make some change to fix maybe something that went awry and in so doing I can make the relationship even stronger than what it was before. And then the rest is just sort of like scheduling and bills and all that junk, but the the heart and core I think of therapy are those three things: empathy, acceptance and prizing, and doing it all from a place that's genuine. That I hope is what a session looks like with me.